"In fear and shame she looked at his naked body, that she had known
falsely. And he was the father of her children. Her soul was torn
from her body and stood apart. She looked at his naked body and
was ashamed, as if she had denied it. After all, it was itself.
It seemed awful to her. She looked at his face, and she turned her
own face to the wall. For his look was other than hers, his way
was not her way. She had denied him what he was - she saw it now.
She had refused him as himself. - And this had been her life, and
his life. - She was grateful to death, which restored the truth.
And she knew she was not dead.
And all the while her heart was bursting with grief and pity for
him. What had he suffered? What stretch of horror for this
helpless man! She was rigid with agony. She had not been able to
help him. He had been cruelly injured, this naked man, this other
being, and she could make no reparation. There were the children -
but the children belonged to life. This dead man had nothing to do
with them. He and she were only channels through which life had
flowed to issue in the children. She was a mother - but how awful
she knew it now to have been a wife. And he, dead now, how awful
he must have felt it to be a husband. She felt that in the next
world he would be a stranger to her. If they met there, in the
beyond, they would only be ashamed of what had been before. The
children had come, for some mysterious reason, out of both of them.
But the children did not unite them. Now he was dead, she knew how
eternally he was apart from her, how eternally he had nothing more
to do with her. She saw this episode of her life closed. They had
denied each other in life. Now he had withdrawn. An anguish came
over her. It was finished then: it had become hopeless between
them long before he died. Yet he had been her husband. But how
little! "
Odour of chrysanthemums - D.H.Lawrence
Odour of chrysanthemums - D.H.Lawrence
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